Twas the Friday before Christmas, and all through this blog,
Not a story was stirring, not even an insignificant little one that nobody really cares about.

The cruise ships were nestled in the bosom of the waves,
While I sat at my desk here, needing a shave.

So I with my coffee, and my computer of HP make,
Will just settle our brains for a long weekend break.

Happy Hannukah! Merry Christmas!

Enjoy the snow if you’ve got it and the sun if you don’t, and those of you out there on ships? Raise a cup of holiday cheer for me.

With Hurricane Irene on everyone's minds, is it time to start thinking about more secure and storm-proof cruise routes? Seems a team of Brazilian scientists have found a brand new 3,700-mile-long river in their country, roughly paralleling the Amazon. Only trouble is, it's located about two and a half miles underground.

Might be dark, but it's probably safe from hurricanes, huh?

Here's a fun time-waster.

Like I do, I was poking around this morning on the websites of a few European shipbuilders, and on the site for Meyer Werft—the north German shipbuilder responsible for such vessels as Disney's new Disney Dream, Celebrity's new Solstice-class ships, and NCL's Jewel-class vessels—I found something called the "Ship Configurator," which lets you tweak a few basic parameters to "create your own cruise ship."

Don't expect too much—all you really have control over is the ship's length, breadth, height, and color—but by mixing and matching, you can come up with some pretty weird looking designs. The main point is, it'll fill a couple minutes if, like me, you're really trying to put off starting that big project you need to do today.

In the wake of last week's news that small-ship line Cruise West has ceased operations permanently, two other small-ship lines, sister-companies American Safari Cruises and new line InnerSea Discoveries, have announced deals intended to lure travelers whose plans have been affected by the Cruise West shutdown.

For Columbia & Snake Rivers cruises in the remainder of the 2010 season, American Safari Cruises is honoring Cruise West fares for displaced guests, for available and comparable stateroom categories. For winter/spring 2011 sailings in Mexico’s Sea of Cortés, ASC is offering confirmed CW passengers a 25% savings off of published fares. For 2011 Alaska Inside Passage cruises, disrupted Cruise West guests can get $300 off ASC trips or $150 off InnerSea Discoveries trips.

American Safari is a long-established small-ship brand that straddles the line between luxury and adventure cruising, operating three honest-to-god yachts (the 12-passenger Safari Spirit, 22-passenger Safari Quest, and 36-passenger Safari Explorer) on cruises that emphasize kayaking, trips by inflatable launch, fishing, and visits to small ports. InnerSea Discoveries is a new sister-line, launching in May 2011 and offering adventure cruises at a fairly reasonable price point. Its two ships—the 156-foot, 72-guest Wilderness Adventurer and 169-foot, 88-guest Wilderness Discoverer—sailed previously for now-defunct Glacier Bay Cruiseline, where they functioned more like base camps for adventure activities than like traditional cruise vessels. On InnerSea trips, the ships' passengers will spend their days hiking, snorkeling, kayaking, heading off on inflatable boats, beachcombing, and whale-watching. They can also sign up for optional activities like caving, glacier walks, river rafting, stand-up paddle-boarding, fishing, and overnight backpacking and kayaking trips.

Cruise West passengers who wish to take advantage of the two lines' discount offers should call the dedicated phone line that's been set up just for them: 877-405-9490.

Gotta love the Internet: On Monday, the website LiveLeak posted internal CCTV footage of passengers, furniture, and machinery being hurled around like toys after a freak storm wave hit P&O's Pacific Sun off the coast of New Zealand in 2008.

There's no denying the film's slapstick, Keatonesque quality, but the incident was no picnic for the 42 passengers who sustained injuries. The wave strike occurred in the evening, while many passengers were sitting down to dinner, and was made more violent by the fact that the wave struck the ship's side, before it had time to turn its bow into the turbulence.

Strikes by these kinds of freak waves are rare in the cruise world, but they do occur. In April 2005, NCL's Norwegian Dawn was sailing north off the U.S. east coast when she was struck head-on by a 70-foot wave, which broke several forward-facing bulkhead windows and sent seawater into 60 cabins. Even more dramatic was an incident in 1995, when Cunard's now-retired QE2 encountered a 97-foot hurricane wave that crashed directly into her pitching bow, cresting at the level of her bridge and leading her captain, Commodore Ronald Warwick, to recall later that all he could do was "look to the side and hope that the windows don't break." Though considerably roughed up, the mighty QE2 soldiered on and reached New York not too far behind schedule.

The sea: She's a terrible mistress.

In the latter vein, consider the one that I got this morning, titled "Niche Cruise Marketing Alliance Members Offer Varied Cuisine and Beverage Secrets." I opened it up and what did I find? Recipes. Five of them, from five different niche and small-ship cruise lines. Nothing else; just recipes.

So here they are. I report, you cook (and decide).

1. American Cruise Lines' Classic New England Style Lobster Salad Roll

• 1/2 pound fully cooked lobster meat
• 1/4 cup mayonnaise
• 1/2 tablespoon fresh tarragon
• Chopped 2 small scallion thinly sliced
• 1 teaspoon lemon juice
• Salt and pepper to taste
• 2 to 3 New England–style hot dog buns
• 2 tablespoons butter, softened

Mix all the salad ingredients together (that is, all the ingredients except the hot dog rolls and butter). Cover and chill in the refrigerator. While the salad is chilling, butter both sides of the hot dog rolls and toast both sides under the broiler or in a heavy pan until golden brown.

Stuff each roll with the lobster salad. Serve with pickles and potato chips.

2. Fred. Olsen Cruise Lines' Bircher Muesli

• 1/2 cup oat flakes
• 1/2 cup milk
• 3/4 cup plain yogurt
• 1/4 cup chopped or sliced nuts
• 1 apple and 1 pear
• 1/4 cup sugar
• Splash of lemon juice
• 4 tsp. raisins
• Honey to taste

Soak oat flakes in milk and yogurt overnight. Grate the apple and pears coarsely (if you like, peel them first) than blend immediately with lemon juice. Mix all the ingredients and combine them carefully. Garnish with nuts and seasonal fruits. It will keep in the fridge for 1–2 days.

3. Galapagos Explorer II's Blue Footed Booby Cocktail

This cocktail is prepared in a cold glass

• Ice
• 1 ounce of rum
• Syrup to your taste
• 1-1/2 ounces of lime juice
• Fizzy water or Sprite soda
• 1/2 ounce of blue Curaçao
• Decoration: slice of lime

4. Hurtigruten's Fjellbekk ("Mountain Spring") Cocktail

• 3/4 ounce vodka
• 3/4 ounce aquavit
• 3/4 ounce lime juice
• Sprite soda

5. Star Clippers' Fried Noodles Thai Style

(As prepared by Chef Arun "Saa" Chonsakul)

• 10-1/2 ounces narrow rice noodles
• 17 ounces bean sprouts
• 1 cake soybean curd
• 2 ounces Chinese leek leaves
• 2 ounces chopped pickled white radish
• 1/2 cup roasted peanuts, ground
• 1 whole lime
• 1 tsp. ground dried chilies
• 1 tbsp. chopped shallots
• 1 tbsp. chopped garlic
• 4 tbsp. tamarind juice or vinegar
• 3 tbsp. fish sauce
• 4 tbsp. sugar
• 1/2 cup cooking oil

Heat 3 tbsp. of oil in a frying pan and sauté garlic and shallots. When yellowed, add the noodles with just enough water to soften them and fry, turning constantly with a spatula to prevent sticking. Move noodles to the side of the pan.

Put 3 tbsp. of oil into pan. When hot, fry the prawns, pickled radish, bean curd, dry chilies, sugar, tamarind juice, and fish sauce; then add back the noodles, mix thoroughly and move to the side.

Put 2 tbsp. of oil into the pan. When heated, break the eggs into the pan and scramble with a spatula, spreading the eggs in a thin layer over the pan. When set, add the noodles and mix together. Add half of the bean sprouts and the Chinese leeks and mix together.

Spoon onto plates and sprinkle with ground peanuts. Serve with the remaining bean sprouts and Chinese leek leaves.

**************

The Niche Cruise Marketing Alliance, by the way, is exactly what it sounds like: a marketing group that's trying to get the word out about nine small lines. In addition to those that provided the recipes above, the alliance also includes Cruise West, Cruceros Australis, Imperial River Cruises, and Louis Cruise Lines.

Bet you're expecting a weighty, analytical discussion after that headline, right? But no, what you'll get is mostly a recap of a talk I had with my wife over breakfast, when she learned that our friend Howard was stuck in the UK, grounded (like thousands of other flyers) by the ash that's been spewing up from Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull volcano and clouding northern and central Europe.

"Maybe this kind of thing will be a boon to the steamship business," she mused.

Well, maybe, though steam went out with . . . well, steam. (It's a lot more expensive than diesel.) Unfortunately for those stranded travelers in the UK, Cunard's QM2, currently the only ship offering regular transatlantic service, doesn't make her first New York run of the season until next week, April 22, so that's out.

But let's riff on the topic for a few minutes. If the world doesn't wake up tomorrow and decide to pull a 180 re its planet-fouling habits, and if many of the gloomy scenarios that are predicted come about -- sky-high energy costs, chaotic weather, melting ice sheets, rising sea levels -- is there a way that passenger shipping might actually benefit?

Could be, but it would have to be a different passenger shipping business than we have today. Despite recent efforts at "greening" some cruise ships through lowered energy usage, the introduction of solar panels, wastewater scrubbing technology, et al, cruise ships are still energy hogs. Fortunately, technology has a way of adapting to changing situations. Just a few weeks ago, a consortium of European shipbuilders and suppliers launched a research project designed to envision the energy-efficient ship of the future. The International Maritime Organization -- the body that promulgates international safety and other shipping standards -- has also been working on a set of guidelines intended to "stimulate innovation and technical development of all the elements influencing the energy efficiency of a ship from its design phase." Even more overtly green are developments like the SkySails concept, which attaches a giant wind-catching kite to the bow of ships to lessen the need for fueled propulsion. According to SkySails' maker, the technology can, under the right wind conditions, lower fuel consumption during use by up to 50%. A few months ago, I discussed the possibilities for using this technology on cruise ships with Jamie Sweeting, Royal Caribbean's environmental stewardship and global chief environmental officer. Unfortunately, for Royal, the SkySails were a no-go. "We spent a lot of time looking at whether they were practical and feasible," he told me, but "the challenge is that they tend to optimize between 12 to 14 knots, and there's not a lot of itineraries where our ships only go 12 to 14 knots. They need to go between 16 and 22 knots to make their destinations."

But in an energy-constrained environment, and especially one where the ship is being used purely as a means of transport (say, across the Atlantic) rather than pleasure cruising from port to port? That might be a very different story.

And then there are the hybrids, a field that's combining old sailing ship ideas with modern technologies to seek the sweet spot between maximal business efficiency and maximal energy efficiency.

I'll stop musing there, but the point is, the future might be bright after all, ship-wise. Would I trade a half-day of travel on a cramped transatlantic flight for a week or longer at sea on a spacious hybrid motor-sail vessel? Damn straight -- as long as it had good wi-fi.

I could also go on about how much I long for the return of travel by luxury passenger zeppelin, but we'll save that for another day.

The other day, the New York Times published a piece on the SS United States Conservancy and its new effort to talk New York City into restoring the ship as a permanently moored hotel and tourist attraction on the Hudson River waterfront. The article is here, and is well worth a read.

According to Dan McSweeny, the United States Conservancy's executive director, his pitch to the New York Economic Development Corporation was based on the ship's long association with New York, which served as its U.S. homeport for 17 years.

• My very favorite old ship went to the breakers after 56 years of honest service. RIP, Regal Empress.
  
• Alaska -- the third most popular cruise destination for North American travelers -- celebrated its 50th anniversary of statehood.
• Germany's Meyer Werft shipyard began construction on Disney's new 128,000-ton Disney Dream and Disney Fantasy, which are scheduled to debut in 2011 and 2012.
  
• The late-2008 collapse of both Majestic America Line and RiverBarge Excursions left the Mississippi River cruise business essentially dead in the water.
  
• Somali pirates made a couple attempts to raid cruise ships in the Gulf of Aden, resulting in new anti-piracy initiatives from the U.S. -- but the Italians and Russians just decided to start shooting.
• The beginnings of the global swine flu outbreak in Mexico prompted cruise lines to pull out of Mexican ports en masse. Then they changed their minds.
• Costa launched three new ships: Costa Luminosa, Costa Pacifica, and (in the water, but not sailing with passengers for another month yet) Costa Deliziosa.
• Seabourn launched its first new ship in 17 years, the 32,000-ton, 450-passenger Seabourn Odyssey.
• Holland America took a really creative approach to renovating older ships.
• Fincantieri shipbuilders began construction of Cunard's new Queen Elizabeth at their Monfalcone shipyard near Trieste, Italy.
• MSC Cruises launched the 137,936-ton, 3,300-passenger MSC Splendida, the eleventh largest cruise ship in the world and the largest not operated by Royal Caribbean or Cunard.
• At the STX Europe shipyard in Saint-Nazaire, France, NCL's new super-megaship, the 153,000-ton, 4,200-passenger Norwegian Epic, was floated out of its construction dock -- a major step on the road to her summer 2010 debut.
• Cruise patriarch Warren Titus, founder of Royal Viking Line and Seabourn, died at age 94.
• Faced with a serious dearth of interesting news, I wrote stories about Johnny Depp and Suzanne Somers that somehow kinda-sorta related back to cruising.
• Celebrity debuted the 122,000-ton, 2,850-passenger Celebrity Equinox, the second of its gorgeous Solstice-class vessels.
• Carnival debuted its new 130,000-ton, 3,646-passenger Carnival Dream, the line's biggest ship to date.
• New small-ship line Island Windjammers debuted, attempting to recreate the magic (but not the mess) of Windjammer Barefoot Cruises.
• Royal Caribbean introduced the 225,282-ton, 5,400-passenger Oasis of the Seas, the largest cruise ship ever. The media buzzed -- and with good reason. I, apparently, just can't stop talking about it.
• Azamara Cruises transformed into Azamara Club Cruises, after its new president and CEO decided to take things more upscale.
• Ultra-luxe Silversea debuted its new 36,000-ton, 540-passenger Silver Spirit.
• We here at the Frommer's cruise desk named our Top Ships of the Year.

On balance, it could have been a lot worse. And what do we have to look forward to in 2010? Some new ships, of course, including:

• MSC's 86,600-ton MSC Magnifica (March 2010)
• NCL 153,000-ton Norwegian Epic (May 2010)
• Celebrity's third Solstice-class ship, Celebrity Eclipse (June 2010)
• Seabourn Odyssey's sister ship, Seabourn Sojourn (June 2010)
• Oceania Cruises' first-ever newbuild, the 65,000-ton Marina (September 2010)
• Cunard's 90,400-ton Queen Elizabeth (October 2010)
• Royal Caribbean's second Oasis-class ship, Allure of the Seas (November 2010)
• Holland America's 86,000-ton Nieuw Amsterdam, a sister ship to 2008's Eurodam (fall 2010)
• Sea Cloud Cruises' new sailing ship Sea Cloud Hussar (fall 2010)

That's the hardware; now let's see what the cruise lines come up with the lure us there. Happy New Year, everybody!

This one for instance, from the U.S. Coast Guard, titled "Coast Guard's gift ideas for 12 nautical days of Christmas."

"Nothing says 'I love you' to a mariner like the gift of a marine GPS navigation," says Coast Guard media relations chief Lt. Cmdr. Chris O'Neil. "Diamonds are pretty, and big-screen, high-definition televisions are great for watching the big game, but they won't help you prevent a boating accident, or survive after you've been in one."

And so, without further ado, the Coast Guard's 2009 list of the gifts that keep on giving:

• A Marine GPS navigation system
• A 406 MHz Emergency Position Indicating Radio Beacon (EPIRB)
• A Coast Guard-approved life jacket
• A handheld VHF-FM radio
• A Boating Safety Course
• A Vessel Safety Check (VSC)  from the Coast Guard Auxiliary
• A Coast Guard approved fire extinguisher
• A first aid kit in a watertight container 
• A seamanship book
• Nautical charts for the areas your favorite mariner frequents
• A signaling kit
• A life raft with a survival kit

Just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, doesn't it?

Sure, sure, most of that won't do you much good when you're sitting in the hot tub with little bubbles tickling up your back, but how cool would it be to amble down to your ship's pool bar and pull out your shiny new 400 MHz EPIRB? And of course all the really experienced cruisers carry their own Coast Guard approved lifejackets, with their names hand-stitched on the left breast. Using the cruise lines' jackets is just so gauche, don't you think?

Happy weekend. I'll be back Monday with some stuff that's not completely tongue in cheek: one or two last posts in my looooong exploration of Royal Caribbean's new Oasis of the Seas, plus news about Seabourn, Princess, Cruise West, and others. Stay tuned.