This coach-tour favorite is also an attraction in nine other North American cities, qualifying it as the McDonald’s of dinnertainment: “Knights” do horse tricks in an arena to please the Crown. Waitresses were once called “wenches,” but it finally got the #MeToo refurbishment: It’s the Queen, not the King, who now runs this show. You eat spareribs and chicken with your hands (or the veggie stew with a spoon) while the jousters compete on horseback in an arena. For $12 more, the Royalty Package gets you front-row seating, a banner to cheer on your randomly assigned knight, and a lanyard. For $18 more, you also get a slice of cake and a callout by the announcer. Its “castle” is located a few miles east of Disney on U.S. 192, in a downtrodden area of Kissimmee. Discounts abound in the tourist brochures—to the tune of 30–50 percent less—so seek them out. This form of entertainment is deliriously over-the-top and all-American—and I’m starting to feel like we should take all of our kids to see it while it’s still around.