August 11, 2004 -- Say you've never taken a cruise before. Say you look at a bunch of brochures to get some idea of your options. Say you're stymied. "Hmm," you say, "big white ship, happy tanned people, lots of food, waiters bringing drinks, people dancing, people laughing, a man selling ice cream." So what have you learned? Not much.
According to a prominent investment analysis released earlier this year, that's the problem: too little differentiation between cruise lines, too much homogenization in the product.
That's both accurate and inaccurate. Yes, the difference between some of the cruise lines can be slim (especially within market categories -- mainstream, luxury, and adventure), but most lines have at least a handful of attributes that set them apart from the crowd -- and some are hooking up with big names to bring onboard entertainment, pampering, and education to another level.
Celebrity Cruises (tel. 800/437-3111; www.celebrity.com), for example, recently recruited Cirque du Soleil (www.cirquedusoleil.com) to bring its brand of fantasy circus magic to the line's megaships. First step in that process: transformation of the large observation lounges on Constellation and Summit into "The Bar at the Edge of the Earth -- a place that invites guests, for two hours every evening, to cross the mirror to another universe." Think surreal characters interacting with guests, rather than simply performing from a stage. A Cirque du Soleil masquerade ball and performance will also be presented once per cruise, and other ideas are still being explored.
The 1,950-passenger Constellation will be the first ship to feature the Cirque-created experience on its seven-night Southern Caribbean cruises, departing roundtrip from San Juan beginning December 4, 2004. Sister-ship Summit will follow in early 2005. No word on a further expansion to the rest of the fleet.
Disney Cruise Line (tel. 888/DCL-2500; www.disneycruise.com), of course, has brand-name entertainment built right into its identity, and offers some of the very best entertainment at sea. On both Disney Magic and Disney Wonder, performances by Broadway-caliber entertainers in the nostalgic Walt Disney Theatre include Disney Dreams, a sweet medley of Disney classics; Hercules, A Muse-ical Comedy, an almost vaudevillian performance that's equal parts kids' film references and pop-culture slyness; and the Golden Mickeys, a tribute to Disney films through the years that combines song and dance, animated film, and special effects. On both ships, the stage design allows for lots of magic, with actors flying above the boards and disappearing in and out of trap doors, but the most refreshing thing about these shows is that they have story lines -- rare as a dodo bird in the cruise world, which usually opts for presenting musical revues.
Spa services have also begun getting the celebrity treatment at some lines. Where ten years ago it was almost impossible to find a spa not run by Steiner Transocean Limited and their British-accented, green-tunic-wearing masseuses, today the market is getting a bit more diverse.
Cunard (tel. 800/728-6273; www.cunard.com) has the most high-profile big-name spa this year aboard Queen Mary 2. A high-tech, high-pampering space operated by the gurus of Canyon Ranch (www.canyonranch.com), the minimalist spa offers a co-ed aquatherapy pool and hot tub, thermal suite, a beauty salon with wonderful ocean views, and a staff of 51 doling out hot-stone and Thai massage, reflexology, facials, and other acts of expensive kindness in 25 treatment rooms.
Climbing the cultural totem pole, QM2 also benefits from an association with London's Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts, whose graduates and students perform short plays and offer readings, workshops, and acting classes. The ship's Cunard ConneXions learning program also included talks on music, modern art, literature, marine science, ocean liner history, cooking, and other topics, led by instructors and lecturers from Oxford University and elsewhere, while programs in the ship's planetarium have been created by NASA, the American Museum of Natural History, and others. Course listings are available 90 days ahead at Cunard's website.
Cooking classes, of course, are no oddity on cruise ships, many of which feature kitchen theaters where chefs present TV-style cooking demos for a live audience. Princess's Coral and Island Princess were built with such theaters in place, and Holland America has recently been retrofitting them into their ships as part of a fleetwide upgrades program. Shows are typically rebroadcast throughout the cruise on cabin TVs.
Radisson Seven Seas Cruises (tel. 866-217-1374; www.rssc.com) is probably in the forefront on the cooking action, offering "Classe Culinaire des Croisieres" workshops on a number of voyages annually. Conducted by visiting chefs from the famed Paris cooking school Le Cordon Bleu (which also runs the specialty restaurants on Seven Seas Mariner and Seven Seas Voyager), the workshops are limited to 16 students to insure a personal, hands-on experience.