What happens when a travel writer takes his future wife on her first cruise, aboard Windstar's huge sailing yacht Wind Surf. Let's find out . . .
Meet Matt and Rebecca. They got engaged in December. Yippee! They're planning a wedding in October, to be held clear on the other side of the country from where they live. That's a bit of a challenge. They get tired every time they think about it. Excited, of course, but tired too -- especially when they think about going on a Big Exotic Honeymoon right after the Big Life-Changing Event. I mean jeez Louise, it's already going to take a day of travel to get to their wedding site, which is so far up in the mountains they might need mules to get there. They're not sure about that yet. They're scheduled to look into mules right after getting the invites printed. And finding an officiant. And a band. And a caterer.
The thing is, they expect to be tired.
Then it strikes them. Why not have the honeymoon before the wedding? Or maybe have two honeymoons, one before and one after. Why not? Rules were made to be broken. Just look at the U.S. Senate.
Rebecca had never taken a cruise. Matt makes his living writing about cruises. Guess what they decided to do on their pre-honeymoon?
"So which line are you taking her on?" Matt's colleagues asked.
"Windstar," he answered. "In the Med."
"Oooh," they said. "She's gonna be so spoiled! You'll never be able to take her on a mainstream ship after that."
He decided to live with the risk. This is what he learned.
1. When Traveling with Future Spouse, Leave Plenty of Wiggle Room, and Preferably Arrange Soothing Massage Before Departure
A little background. Rebecca is an attorney. Matt, as noted, is a freelance writer. To be an attorney is to be stressed out, because that's what attorneys do for a living: They create and resolve competing stresses. To be a freelance writer is also to be stressed out, because you're always worried about how you're going to, y'know, pay for food. And rent. And weddings.
Witness, then, their distress at being caught in gridlock New York traffic en-route to the airport, and their near-exploding-head stress to find on arrival that their flight is delayed not one, not two, but possibly three or more hours, endangering their connecting flight and necessitating a quick switch to another airline, whose Frankfurt-bound plane was leaving, oh, NOW.
Watch them run. Run, run, run, pre-trial O.J.-style. From the terminal and into the shuttle. From the shuttle and into another terminal. Up the escalator and to the gate. Run, run, run. Does the fun never stop? All the way onto the plane, where the door shuts behind them (bang!) and they're off.
Lesson: When fiancée suggests taking subway to airport ("because it will be faster"), do not assume you know best, just because you're a travel writer.
2. Do Not Engage in Existentialist Discussions with German Ticket Agents
Oh, the plane was nice. Singapore Airlines? Good carrier. Nice people. Great service. Drinks to calm them down. Little personal screens in the seatbacks, with a movie menu from which to choose. Nice. Still, a transatlantic flight is a transatlantic flight, and by the time they arrive in Germany for their transfer to Spain, they're ready to be done.
They approach the gate agent, who takes their tickets, types their names into his computer, and frowns.
"Morris Rebecca," he intones Teutonically, "does not exist."
"She does not exist?" Matt asks.
"No," he answers, looking up from the screen. "She does not."
Matt turns to Rebecca.
"You do not exist."
"You did not take your flight from New York," the agent continues.
"Then how am I here?" Rebecca asks.
"That," he says slowly, "I do not know."
Lesson: When an airline is experiencing difficulties with a flight and transfers you to another carrier, be sure they note the change carefully in their system. The risk is that you'll be labeled a no-show and your subsequent flights cancelled. This can cause no end of problems. It is not, at the least, a good way to start a pre-neymoon.
3. Study Your Geography, So As to Impress Future Spouse
Their debate with the German existentialist concluded successfully, Matt and Rebecca board the short flight to M¿laga, Spain, their port of embarkation. Wind Surf is scheduled to sail the next day, heading south to the port of Ceuta in Spanish Morocco, then north again to Ibiza, Palma de Mallorca, Barcelona, and the French port of Sete, ending a week later in Marseilles.
While no one knows everything, they should at least have some facility in their field of expertise so as to impress their future mate. Or, they should own a good set of reference books and have access to other resources. Thus, Matt would like to thank Webster's New Geographical Dictionary, the Macmillan World Atlas, and the good folks at Google and news.bbc.co.uk for informing him that yes, there is still such a thing as Spanish Morocco, severely shrunken since Spain's colonial heyday (at 19 square kilometers, Ceuta makes up more than half of it) but still there nonetheless. Another interesting fact: Jebel Musa, a mountain along Ceuta's coastline, is generally thought to be one of the Pillars of Hercules, named for the legend in which the Greek hero split a mountain in two, creating a great chasm that filled with water to join the Atlantic and the Mediterranean. That channel is the Straits of Gibraltar, and the other "pillar" is the Rock of Gibraltar.
Málaga, about 80 miles northeast of Gibraltar, is the cultural capital of Spain's Costa del Sol, with a history that extends back to at least the 8th century B.C., when it was founded by the Phoenicians. Over the centuries the Phoenicians gave way to the Carthaginians, the Carthaginians to the Romans, the Romans to the Visigoths, the Visigoths to the Moors, and the Moors to the Catholic Spanish. Above the old town, the Alcazaba fortress and Gibralfaro palace testify to the Moors' architectural genius. Down below, the old town's narrow streets end at the gorgeous Paseo del Parque, a long, garden-filled promenade that hugs the waterfront, where Wind Surf is berthed as Matt and Rebecca arrive. It's Rebecca's first up-close glimpse of a cruise ship, and her reaction may well determine whether Matt ends up taking many work trips alone in the future. Which leads us to no. 4.
4. For Honeymoon or Other Romantic Journey, Choose Cruise Line/Ship Wisely
Fiancée is persnickety, as is future groom. Fiancée is picky about living quarters, even temporary ones. Fiancée would prefer (in ideal world) to live in solar-powered treehouse with kitchen garden below. Conclusion: Fiancée probably wouldn't like big megaship with Vegas-style shows, glittery decor, and 2,500 neighbors. Fiancée is more "boutique."
Does fiancée like Wind Surf, with her yacht-like bow, her graceful lines, and her five 200-foot masts, standing tall as Málaga's cathedral tower?
Fiancée says, "Oooooh, preeeetty."
Fiancée is pleased. Score one for future groom.
Lesson: Life should be so simple. You should just be able to say, "Hey, babe, I got us two tickets for a luxury honeymoon cruise," and that should be the end of it. But it's not that easy. You know it's not. It has to be the right cruise. And if you're any kind of future groom at all, you should know exactly what "right" means and be able to pick it out of a lineup. Yes, I mean you, and if that ship doesn't have a sports bar, so be it; you can always go on the beer cruise for your anniversary. (Click here for links to Frommer's cruise reviews. Click here for an article on the best ships for beer.)
5. First-Day Checklist, with Observations
Like any couple embarking on their first cruise, Matt and Rebecca find that embarkation day presents opportunities, challenges, and surprises, some of which prove peculiarly predictive of married life, others of which just prove peculiar.
a. Register credit card: Particularly today, when couples frequently enter into relationships and marriage without having "the money discussion," registering a credit card for onboard purchases may be the first intimation of joint bank accounts, credit cards, and mortgages.
"So," says the purser. "Shall I put you both on this card, or do you want to register separately?"
Matt: "Uh . . ."
Rebecca: "Uh . . ."
Matt: "Maybe we should . . ."
Rebecca: "Register . . ."
Matt: "Together?"
Rebecca: "Yeah, uh, OK."
Matt: "Right. Let's do that, then."
b. Explore cabin: Which can be much like walking into your new home for the first time, sans carrying the bride across the threshold because, face it, most cabin doors just aren't that wide -- unless you've booked a wheelchair-friendly cabin, but then you don't get the bathtub with jet massage. Not that Wind Surf's bathrooms have those anyway.
"Ooooh," says Rebecca. "It's cute! Bigger than I thought it would be. And look at this adorable bathroom! Hey, his and hers bathrobes! And look, real portholes!"
Matt explores the paperwork left on the bed: the usual daily program, invitation to tour the spa, and welcome-aboard message, plus one unusual item.
"Hey, Rebecca, look at this. It's a note from Windstar thanking us for deciding to spend our honeymoon with them."
"You're kidding. Did you tell them this was our pre-neymoon?"
"Nope, not a word. Just a coincidence?"
"Spooky . . ."
c. Explore ship, meet crew: Wind Surf is a big little ship, carrying 308 passengers in an atmosphere that mimics the intimate size and flavor of some small ocean liners from the 1960s and 70s. She has a real seagoing feel that's rare among today's supersized cruise ships, and is small enough so the staff can learn passengers' names from day one.
"It's so cute that the bartender remembered you as Mr. Matt," says Rebecca. "That's just so damned civilized."
d. Attend compulsory lifeboat muster: Where you might discover, to your amazement, that your fiancée is wearing shoes and earrings whose color matches her orange life vest perfectly. Kismet!
e. Attend sail-away party: Watch from the ship's stern, drinks in hand, as the crew casts off Wind Surf's lines, engages her thrusters, and edges her away from the dock. Thrill as the enormous white sails unfurl and take the breeze. Lift a glass in toast as the Windstar theme song begins to play.
"What's that music?" Rebecca asks.
"I have no idea," Matt replies, "but I'm afraid it might be a theme song."
They listen more closely. Men's voices, a lot of them, fraught with destiny, romance, the thrill of adventure, the companionship of manly men.
"What language is it?" asks Rebecca. "It sounds like Russian but . . . not."
"Sounds Latin to me. I hope they don't play it every time we sail out of port. It's one of those melodies that can stick in your head 'til you go nuts."
Lesson: Do not let cruise line's theme song get stuck in your head in the first place, and never, ever put your own stamp on it by making up silly lyrics to replace the ones you can't understand (because, as it turns out, they're in a made-up language that sounds sort of like Russian or Latin, but isn't).
f. Help fiancée through initial bout of seasickness: "Keep your eyes on the horizon. That's supposed to help. And here, drink some ginger ale. It calms the stomach. Where are those acupressure bands we bought? They help too."
"I don't know. In my bag someplace. Maybe if I just lie flat on the bed and close my eyes . . ."
Lesson: When fiancée has never been to sea except on an afternoon whale-watching cruise, and admits to having felt sick then, come prepared. Bring medication (Bonine or Dramamine), B6 vitamins, ginger (tablets, natural candies, cookies, or ale), scopolamine (in a transderm patch you wear behind the ear), or acupressure Seabands (which you wear around the wrists).
g. Achieve romantic dinner and moonlit walk on deck: Windstar's ships were specifically designed for romance, from big, obvious touches like their sails to smaller ones like a profusion of tables-for-two in the dining room. There Matt and Rebecca sit, having gotten a table as soon as they approached the maitre 'd. The lights are low, the music sweet. Outside, a thousand stars dot the sky. Matt reaches across and takes Rebecca's hand.
"How's your equilibrium?" he coos.
Later, out on deck, they walk forward to the bridge, which is nearly always open for guests to visit. They stand just outside, the glow of the nighttime instruments illuminating the faces of the officers on watch. Far in the distance, other lights glow on the Spanish coast.
"It's nice, huh?" asks the groom-to-be.
"Sí, es muy bueno."
"There's nothing like being at sea at night. It's like you leave the whole world behind. It's like we're the only two people on the planet."
They lean into each other. Matt puts his arm around Rebecca's shoulder.
"¿Cómo es su equilibrio?" he coos.
6. Do Not Assume You and Future Spouse Share Vulcan Mind-Meld
Togetherness is wonderful. Time apart is also wonderful. And so, it's inevitable that any couple, honeymooners or not, will enjoy time on their own -- to read, go to the gym, send some messages in the Internet center, or what have you.
On a megaship, it's essential to let your partner know where you'll be later on -- after all, those ships are bigger than a lot of towns, with innumerable places for your significant other to be sitting, walking, running, hiding. But it's different on a smaller ship, right?
Wrong.
Witness Rebecca, having spent an hour reading in the sun, now ready to have lunch, watch the ship dock, and go ashore. Witness Matt, having finished some work and ready to do the same. Witness them starting to look for each other. On the top deck? No. By the stern pool? No. In the main lounge? No. At the buffet restaurant? No. In the library? No. In one of the lifeboats? It appears not.
Remarkably, this goes on for two hours.
There are only a dozen public rooms on Wind Surf, spread out over three decks. How is this possible? Put it down to Inexplicable Law of Motion No. 435: Two cruise passengers, looking for each other simultaneously, may conceivably keep moving around and among the decks in such a way that they never cross each others' paths. This almost invariably leads to Mutual Outpouring of Pent-Up Anger and Frustration, which is frequently followed by Sullen Buffet Luncheon and sometimes to Tense Walk Around Beautiful Port Town Before Ice Finally Breaks.
Lesson: Don't let this happen to you. On any ship with more than two public rooms, always plan a meeting time and place when exploring separate activities.
7. After Taking Massage at Spa, Emphasize Oldness and Ugliness of Masseuse
"So," says Rebecca as Matt walks into the cabin, "how was your massage?"
"Oh, it was good," he answers, rubbing his shoulder and swinging his arm in a manly, athletic manner. "Really got out the kinks."
Advice: Let it rest there. Do not dwell on massage experience. Give no clue that masseuse was nubile 20-something Romanian. Do not say, for instance, "You know, my masseuse had the most exotic name," or, "Funny, I still feel all tingly." Similarly, do not try reverse psychology, such as saying, "I think my masseuse was a former East German discus thrower. Helga, her name was. Huge man-hands. You should have seen 'em."
Advice #2: Give fiancée same courtesy when she returns from her own massage. Do not be jealous. Do not even ask if she had a masseuse or a masseur. That only complicates matters.
8. In Port, Balance Fiancée's Interests with Own
This should be no problem for many couples, who bond over mutual interests like golf, antiques, fine dining, sociology, or Harleys. Sometimes there are peaks and valleys in a couple's likes and dislikes, with moments of convergence and others of digression.
Matt and Rebecca have it easy. They're both former literature majors. They're both musicians. They both go left when everybody else goes right. They've both received a New York education in high and low culture, with the middle left out completely. Their port days should go swimmingly.
Still there are surprises. In Málaga and then again in Ibiza and Sete, Matt learns something about his fiancée that he hadn't known: She climbs -- which makes sense since she was born in the mountains, those same mountains where they're going to get married. On debarking ship, she looks around, spots the highest point of land, and begins walking up. Matt follows. Matt perspires. Matt thirsts. Matt wants to stop for beer.
"Look," says Rebecca. "You can see our ship from up here."
In Barcelona, they read about an exhibit of political works by Peruvian artist Fernando Bryce at the Fundació Antoni Tàpies (www.fundaciotapies.org). It's described this way: "Fernando Bryce works around memory from a series of drawings that reproduce archive images and documents to provide a variety of historical narratives and non-linear visions of history that enable us to take a new look at the present."
They're so happy! They go skipping up the Ramblas and the Passeig De Gracia, passing the songbird vendors and the "living statue" performers, making a beeline toward High Art.
They're such wonks.
In Mallorca, they decide instead on a shore excursion that drives along the island's north coast to the Bodega Santa-Catarina (www.santa-catarina.com), whose history as a winery only dates to 1985, but some of whose buildings date to 1232. They stand in the winery's courtyard beneath an arbor of vines, sipping an exceptional '98 Cabernet Sauvignon and eating what they agree are the best olives they've ever tasted. Fields of grape spread out all around, surrounded by Mallorca's craggy hills and lush forests. It is very close to perfection. Which leads to observation #9.
9. Do Not Take Fiancée to Bucolic Paradise, Lest She Want to Move There
After a week of cruising, Matt and Rebecca finally debark from Wind Surf and make their way back across the Atlantic. It was a successful journey. Matt got enough information for his articles and Rebecca got an insight into Matt's working life.
So did Rebecca dig it, overall?
Rebecca: "I did. Can we go back? Can we go now? My clients are driving me nuts, and we have all this planning left to do for the wedding. Did you find a printer for the invitations yet? Did you call about those mules? What have you been doing all day? Writers . . ."
10. Addendum: Windstar Cruises
Windstar Cruises (tel. 800/258-7245; www.windstarcruises.com) is an anomaly in the frequently homogenous cruise industry. It's an individual. It's got personality. It's part of a huuuge corporate empire (Carnival Corporation, via immediate parent company Holland America), but that only manifests in the back-office. Out front, it's a friendly, almost old-fashioned operation, small-scale and full of employees who've been with the line for years. Reportedly, many repeat passengers check to make sure their favorite cabin steward, waiter, captain, or host/hostess will be aboard before they'll book a particular sailing -- and sometimes the line has even asked an employee to reschedule their off-ship time so they can be aboard when longtime passengers are sailing. How nice is that?
From the company's start, back in 1984, it was all about the sails -- and specifically about a new cruise ship design by the Finnish shipbuilding company Wartsila. Dubbed the "Windcruiser," the concept combined 19th-century sailing ship technology with modern engineering to create a kind of vessel never seen before: huge by sailing-ship standards, with at least 21,489 square feet of computer-controlled staysails that can propel the ship on their own or work in concert with a diesel-electric engine. The concept worked then, and it works now, providing a distinctive home for a product that walks the tightrope between luxury line and sailing-ship line. The onboard vibe is always casual, the itineraries are beyond the norm, and service and cuisine are first-class. It's a graceful, intimately sized alternative to megaship cruises, and a consistently lower-priced alternative to similarly sized ultra-luxury ships. Rates for weeklong Mediterranean and Caribbean sailings often start around $1,500 per person.
The 308-passenger Wind Surf sails Mediterranean cruises from various homeports (Lisbon, Málaga, Marseilles, Nice, Rome, Venice, Valetta, Athens) through mid-November, after which she comes west for a season of 7-night eastern Caribbean sailings, round-trip from Barbados. In April she returns to Europe.
The 148-passenger sister ships Wind Spirit and Wind Star also sail Europe until November, then transfer west -- Wind Spirit to offer 7-night eastern Caribbean cruises round-trip from St. Thomas, Wind Star to offer 7-night Costa Rica cruises round-trip from Caldera. Both ships return to Europe in March.
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