For our money, it’s the best round-boat flume in the world. You board 12-passenger, circular bumper boats that float freely and unpredictably down an outlandish white-water obstacle course—beneath waterfalls, through tunnels, over angry rapids, and past features designed to mercilessly saturate you. It’s like playing Russian roulette with water, except everyone loses. This journey is considerably wilder and unquestionably wetter than other rides like this one. And more elaborate: Even the river’s walls have been sculpted and painted in hues to resemble a cartoon wooden chute. It’s diabolical and one of Universal’s best. On hot days, the wet effects are fully juiced, but when it’s cold, they’re turned down slightly.
Strategy: There’s a semi-waterproof cubby on board for personal belongings, but you’d be wise to slip your things into plastic bags, too, just in case. You may not be barefoot off the boat but once on, you may remove shoes for the ride. Watching your loved ones get humiliated brings a lifetime of satisfaction, but for onlooker schadenfreude, there are 25[ce] water blasters on overlooking walkways, as well as are free ones on Me Ship, the Olive. Near the lockers ($4 for 90 min., which may be long enough to use for Ripsaw Falls, too), you’ll find step-in People Dryers that, for $5, bake and blow the water off you after your journey. (They work well, except on jeans.)