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For my money, it’s the best round-boat flume in the world because it’s fun watching your loved ones get humiliated. You board 12-passenger, circular bumper boats that float freely and unpredictably down an outlandish white-water obstacle course—beneath waterfalls, through tunnels, over angry rapids, and past features designed to mercilessly inundate you. It’s like playing Russian roulette with water, and everyone loses. This journey is considerably wilder, unquestionably wetter, and obviously more expensive to build than any others in the genre. The attention shows: Even the river’s walls have been sculpted and painted in cartoon hues to resemble a wooden chute. It’s diabolical and one of Universal’s best. Strategy: There’s a semiwaterproof cubby on board for personal belongings, but you’d be wise to slip your things into plastic bags, too, just in case. You may not go barefoot. For onlooker schadenfreude, there are 25[ce] water blasters on overlooking walkways, but there are free ones on Me Ship, the Olive. Near the lockers ($4 for 90 min., which may be long enough use to use for Ripsaw Falls, too), you’ll find step-in People Dryers that, for $5, bake and blow the water off you after your journey. (That works well, except on jeans.)